The Passage from Tsawwassen to Swartz Bay, 2024
the why of photography
As many people know, I got my start in a high school darkroom. Something magic unfolded in those chemicals. I would leave 2nd period with my hands smelling like sulfur, and pupils dilated from 90 minutes in the dark. A good student, I flowed between subjects, english, french, chemistry, and calculus, conforming to whatever in the journey of getting an A (well, not in calculus, that was a bit of a disaster). Photography was a true outlet, a place to explore the concept of artistic voice. I found ways out of other classes, phoning in responsibilities to get back in the darkroom.. it may have been my first true act of rebellion in a system I’d been in full compliance with.
Exploration kept me engaged. But over the years, I’ve been frustrated by freelance work, not sure how to stand out in crowds of talented creatives and professionals. To be real for a minute, the business end of photography hasn’t been natural.. My most recent venture in the world of boutique school portraits comes close. How I feel watching a kiddo be relaxed in front of the camera has rekindled my efforts for client work. Each student presents a new connection, an opportunity to be curious, exercise my silly streak, and offer a fun alternative to the assembly line of portraits we all knew as kids.
And then, there’s my art. The images I shoot in an effort to connect or find meaning in.. ***gestures at everything*** Life is all the experience, both positive and negative. I don’t have to tell you it can feel overwhelming to be human. It’s easy to hop into dread and anxiousness with the modern set of problems we face. This chaos feels like too much to find order in, even though we humans have been performing this stunt a long time.
My personal mantras as I’ve navigated purpose, meaning, my roles as a partner, mom, and photographer are these: as long as we have breath, there is possibility, and inherent to life, there is an ultimate sense of balance. The act of equilibrium is real. There will be highs for every low, and vice versa. We may not see the entire set up or what lies on either side of the scale. But we can rest assured it exists.
Photography is the ultimate medium of possibility, balance, or flux. Each photo excursion brings an opportunity to witness this spectrum of life, or even create within it. I love that. As an artist, finding comfort in possibility, rather than fear, is something I hope to keep sharing with the world.
I’m taking off next week to photograph new spaces and places, so it’ll be quiet here. Last time my family planned this we were thwarted by sickness. We’ve decided as a collective that NOTHING is getting in the way this time. I’ll be back at the end of August with hopefully more images to share, and maybe less words.. I don’t know! But one thing’s for sure, I’m pretty excited at the possibilities next week will afford 🤠
time travel
A civil war reenactment, photography style, near Chattanooga TN, 2010
The era of the deep angle, folks. It COULD have been a super cool shot, but this angle hurts!
I was 20, what did I know??😂😂
at least I got some details right!
Farewell to 52 Frames
Something different for you today, kiddos! Enjoy :-)
The year was 2020, the time was covid.. I had just pulled myself out of some rough mental places in 2019, juggling two young girls, attempting a photography business, and dealing with unresolved postpartum and life issues. The world experienced a series of unprecedented events, one right after another, leaving us all collectively grasping for any sense of normal in a mess of germs and hatred.
My own reaching found 52 Frames. An online community for photographers, who took on weekly prompts to learn, meet other creatives, and try new techniques. Members ran the gamut of seasoned professionals, to grandmas with iPhones. I loved the diversity in perspectives and experience in a space that kept my craft close while the world sorted itself out. So in 2021, I jumped in. It was a great place for creative accountability. With each week’s new submission, the photo streak number increased, you didn’t quit! Wahoo for a good metric!
Before I knew it, I had completed a full year of 52 images, well on my way to developing an artistic style from the weekly practice. It was a struggle, but it continued to feel something akin to the high you get after running a race. Hard, but happy in hindsight. Another year began, I started to grow confidence in myself as an artist, posting elsewhere on places like IG and Glass. My exposure to other creatives outside of 52 Frames increased. I started meeting these communities in real life, making friends, learning, and being inspired.
Fast forward to 2024.. the world is changed, my kids have grown, and with them, responsibilities outside of creative photography. My client work, while slow, is expanding. Free time for creative expression is harder and harder to come by. Kid activities are demanding more travel time. Our garden/property responsibilities aren’t shrinking either. Many things to prioritize.
And so, last week, after 188 consecutive weeks I said goodbye to the practice.
Did I take my commitment to the whole endeavor too seriously? Yes, yes I did! But I’m massively grateful. So many of the images you see on this blog are directly and indirectly related to time contributing and learning from the platform. I’m happy I kept going, incredibly thankful for all the ideas I now have, and the skills I’ve cultivated. There were and are constraints, but 52 Frames helped me see those as a tool, and not a burden.. well, at least some of the time ;-)
The community is absolutely lovely as well. I could go on and on there, but I’ve already rambled enough. If any of you are reading, thank you so much, for all the time and care and kindness you’ve shown (the internet doesn’t have to be a bad place)!
⚡In summation⚡ if you’re looking for creative resistance training, or help on the journey to finding your “why” with photography, I cannot recommend 52 Frames enough.
On the schedule for tomorrow, less talk, more image! Thanks for reading!
🌿
A fern, in the Chuckanut Mountains, 2023
an act of rebellion
Have you brought forth anything into the world lately? A dramatic question 😆 but come on, what did you expect?
One of my photographs was mentioned on a podcast a while back, and Jason ended with suggesting that the photo inspired him to ask the question- what could he make? What would his own self-portrait be like? It was the kind of question that made me really happy… the idea that our act of creation can beget curiosity, one of human kind’s great attributes.
The world feels like a distracted, destructive, consumptive mess. Inspiring work, ideas, kindness, connection is a direct rebellion of this tangle. It’s a rebellion I can get behind, and hope to continue being a part of. Thanks so much to the 3x2 podcast for the feature.
Mono Trio
On top of a mountain, somewhere in the PNW, January 2024
Daze
Along the highway, June.
the catastrophe
Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting, and modern. ― Frank O'Hara
Pretending
Pretending I was
Across the sky
Riding clouds of thunder
Till the weight of collected burdens
Dropped me.
And I on the ground,
No longer light
But clinging wet and heavy to the earth
Till time separated me and
I was light Enough
to rise and pretend again.
Details #5- At Odds
My art is currently suffering from a lack of creative direction. Past work has been incredibly meta, leaning into the unsettled feeling of the world. I have a deep belief in balance, movement, and duality, so allowing both/and these last few years has been huge for my vision.
But it feels like my creative posture is getting bad. Or rather, my mind is feeling atrophy sitting in this meta state. We can feel all the hard feelings, but in the end, what are we going to do with them?
I could just be tired. Enough sleep hasn’t come easy, and right now when I take time for art, it falls flat. These two things together make it seem like the world is ending. It’s ridiculous and thankfully I recognize my own bullshit here.
But the fact remains that sitting (with feelings) for too long is bad for you. So, what does standing up look like?
This week, if you hadn’t noticed, I opted to either explore my photography archives or shoot something new, with an intention of detail. SO rather than spend my free time in the news, scrolling, or consuming some piece of new information, a break from the headiness of modern life seemed warranted.
Overcast
A sense of leaving scenes like this, as spring barrels its way into summer. I used to regret a change in the weather, but I don’t anymore. Not sure exactly what changed, other than on a good day I have appreciation for now, whatever it looks like.
Dreams and dreams only.
Obstinate
Hold me to some sort of formulaic space
A fluidity contained and moving, but not evaporated.
I don’t like the air. I won’t go.
Clouds & Cream
Unbeknownst to him, my internet friend named this photo “Clouds & Cream”. Thank you Om! An excellent photographer and artist, who I continue to be inspired by.
Pardon
Washington State has tulips on the brain this month. I know, I know. "Florals? For Spring? Groundbreaking." BUT to keep things interesting, I’ll also leave you with a snippet of Emerson’s Hamatraya. One particular line is pulled out of context and printed on many a mass-produced garden sign, while the rest of the poem is, in fact, quite dark. I recommend you read the entire thing!
“..Where are these men? Asleep beneath their grounds:
And strangers, fond as they, their furrows plough.
Earth laughs in flowers, to see her boastful boys
Earth-proud, proud of the earth which is not theirs;
Who steer the plough, but cannot steer their feet
Clear of the grave..”
🌬️
“..to slip again over my faculties the viewless fetters of an uniform and too still existence..”
-Charlotte Brontë
Kane
"Dear Wheeler: you provide the prose poems. I'll provide the war."
Recently watched a film I’ve needed to see for decades. Citizen Kane, which, for what it lacked in story, made up for in technical prowess and visual intrigue. Many an art student has gone bananas over this movie, and I do see why. It’s an inspiring piece of work, one that I felt compelled to make something from, hence this fun, quick full focus composite image.
more than a dress
My lifelong friend, Stephanie, modeling her wedding dress in the PNW, for no other reason than celebrating.
“Just because”- I’m always down for that.
Bellingham Editorial Art Project
Who Fears Death?
What, when we breath our last?
What becomes of the processes, the structure, the feelings, the thoughts, in the end?
Did our actions matter? How we held ourselves? Who we loved? What we created?
Thoughts on the uncertainties of being human.
